Babylon Bee Declares “Noahic Covenant Month”

June 9, 2023

3 min read

On Thursday, the Babylon Bee, a conservative Christian news satire website, sent an e-mail to its subscribers declaring Juse to be Noaihic Covenant Month:

“It’s June again, which means we’re once again celebrating God’s promise to never again destroy mankind by flood ever again, despite its horrible wretchedness,” the email read. “This also happens to be the month when everyone starts wondering what gender they are or what gender even means.”

To celebrate the month, the Babylon Bee, which touts itself as “fake news you can trust”, was offering its “Guide to Gender” for sale on Amazon. The book, listed as #1 in the religious humor category, presents “the two ‘original gangsta’ genders—male and female—shows us the progressively insane slide into the multiplying number of genders that has lately been spiraling out of control.” It also includes the following:

  • How to tell if you are a man or a woman
  • How to choose your gender
  • How to change genders if the mood strikes
  • Interviews with experts in which we ask, “What the heck is a woman, anyway?”
  • Comprehensive coverage of all the imaginary genders besides men and women
  • Hall of fame: best men and best women in human history

“Use it to teach your kids before their first-grade teacher does!!” the creators suggest.

The Babylon Bee was responding to June being declared LGBT Pride Month in 1999 by President Bill Clinton and dedicated to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) “pride”. While President Obama expanded the federal aspects of the month, President Trump declined to continue the federal recognition of Pride Month.

Allie Beth Stuckey, a conservative commentator, posted an inspiring Instagram response in support of the Babylon Bee’s initiative

“Happy Noahic Covenant Month, friends, where we recognize a symbol of God’s faithfulness: the rainbow! (Genesis 9) Unlike the pride flag, which only has 6 colors, the real rainbow has 7 colors, which is the Biblical number of completion and perfection. It’s a great month to double down on our Spirit-powered efforts to honor the Lord, speak truth, and love our neighbors. The rainbow belongs to God—always has, always will!”

The Noahic (or Noahide) Covenant was made between God and Noah, his family, and all living creatures after Noah and his family exited the ark after the floodwaters dried (Genesis 9:9). All of humanity is descended from Noah’s sons, the sole survivors of the flood. While Jews are required to observe the commandments written in the Torah, the other nations are expected as a minimum requirement to observe seven laws that God gave mankind before the Flood:

1. Prohibition against murder – Genesis 4:23-24, 9:6

2. Prohibition against idolatry – Genesis 4:26

3. Prohibition against blasphemy – Genesis 4:26

4. Prohibition of sexual misconduct – Genesis 1:28, 4:22, 6:3, 6:12

5. Prohibition against failure to establish courts – Genesis 1:28, 9:6

6. Prohibition against theft – Genesis 6:11

7. Prohibition against eating live meat (e.g. tearing the limb off of a living animal and eating it) – Genesis 9:4

As a sign of the covenant, God placed the rainbow in the sky. In Jewish tradition, the rainbow symbolized sexual purity. While male homosexuality is expressly prohibited in the Torah and, as such, violates the fourth Noahide Law, the LGBT movement has cynically adopted the sign of the covenant (i.e. the rainbow) as its symbol.

In its characteristic comedic style, the Babylon Bee published a satirical article relating to this egregious case of cultural appropriation:

“Scholars of the Hebrew Bible at Israel’s Bar Ilan University have discovered new fine print in the Noahic Covenant,” they wrote. “The divine vow to never again flood the earth is rendered “null and void,” experts explain, if humanity ever co-opts the rainbow into a widespread and ongoing campaign for weird sex stuff.”

“The Covenant has traditionally been called ‘unconditional,’ but the underlying verbiage enumerates clear limiting principles: the flag being used to symbolize debased and unnatural sex acts, for example, would remove humanity’s legal protection against another flood.” Lead researcher Avi Goldstein introduced the panel of legal, biblical, and archaeological scholars at his University’s conference “God’s Bow, Noah’s Boat, And A Deluge Of Perversion.”

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