The Respect for Marriage Act does the opposite of what it claims: it denigrates marriage. Proponents of the bill of course respond that they are motivated by freedom and its opponents want to impose religion. This false dichotomy stems from a severe misunderstanding of the Bible.
The Bible is clear about its purpose, “for it is your wisdom and insight” (Deut. 4:6). Smart people remember things, and sharp people apply principles more accurately than others. Wisdom and insight are something different than smart or sharp. They do not describe intellectual capacity, rather they reflect an understanding about how life works and knowing the decisions that bring about better results. In an uncertain situation, we seek the counsel of another’s wisdom and insight to navigate the tenuous place that we find ourselves in.
In response, many claim that the Bible was given in an act of Divine revelation and reserves itself for the things that could not be arrived at by human reason. They deny the Bible’s self-description. This claim, of course, instantly fails a smell test. The Bible includes the prohibitions to murder, steal, and the repercussions for damages. Numerous societies, ancient and new, have similar laws. God’s revelation of the Bible does not preclude reason.
The Bible certainly also contains ritual laws and rules that do not immediately indicate their societal benefit, like the sacrifices, the red heifer, and the restrictions of kosher food. (Maybe these laws reflect the absurd or maybe they reflect the human subconscious, but that is for another time.)
So which is the Biblical conception of heterosexual marriage? Does it align with human reason or is it commanded by God to teach an irrational idea? That actually depends on your most basic assumptions about life. Those supporting gay marriage follow Justice Anthony Kennedy in Planned Parenthood v. Casey’s perspective, where he writes that “At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.” If self-fulfillment becomes a main preoccupation of life, then gay marriage should of course be permitted.
The Bible, however, unequivocally states that life must be oriented towards perpetuation. At the moment of his creation, man is commanded to be “fruitful and multiply.” Procreation is central to human existence. Countries that do not emphasize procreation commit civilizational suicide as we see in much of Europe and Japan. People might feel happier or more fulfilled in their twenties or forties without children, but by 65, loneliness and misery set in.
The procreative command, however, does not end with the creation of a child, rather, it just begins with it. Children require nurture, proper training and education to become functional adults. Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks calls marriage the “single most humanizing institution in history.” He then elaborates that:
The family, man, woman, and child, is not one lifestyle choice among many. It is the best means we have yet discovered for nurturing future generations and enabling children to grow in a matrix of stability and love. It is where we learn the delicate choreography of relationship and how to handle the inevitable conflicts within any human group. It is where we first take the risk of giving and receiving love. It is where one generation passes on its values to the next, ensuring the continuity of a civilization. For any society, the family is the crucible of its future.
Both nature (innate genetics) and nurture (environmental factors) form the human personality, which makes marriage and children inseparable. Genetic parents have a better understanding of their children than non-genetic parents. The nurture and dedication of parents guide the proper implementation of each unique person. The love of the parents for each other and their children provides the strength to persevere through adversity. They teach loyalty and love when it is needed most.
Though the ideal and norm are procreative heterosexual marriages, exceptional circumstances allow for flexibility. Divorce is sometimes needed and some people are born unable to procreate, a struggle familiar to a number of central figures in the Bible. So the ideal and norm are kept, but given the messiness of life, there are exceptions. Importantly, they reflect the norm.
Legalizing gay marriage, on the other hand, creates a new norm. Procreation is never possible from the union. Such a union is anchored in the present whereas heterosexual marriage orients the present towards the future.
Even when gay couples do have children, both parental figures might provide much love, but half of the child’s nature will be from an uninvolved third party. This already creates greater challenges for the child. Adopting children is a necessary and heroic act of kindness and love, but adopted children lack their natural parents who intuitively understand them and therefore struggle in school.
These beautiful lives exist and adoption is the best response to a difficult situation. However, choosing to have a child outside of the heterosexual nuclear family might make the parents feel happier, but on the backs of the children. In fact, some changes to the heterosexual family have not brought the envisioned results, and instead have caused deep misery for children. Children born to single mothers fare far worse than adopted children in success in school and society. Raising children is a delicate process and gay couples having children represents another way that adults experiment while the children face the consequences.
Procreative heterosexual marriage leads to greater happiness and fulfillment over the long term, which is why the Bible rejects the possibility of gay marriage, even when it aspires to be oriented around children. The desires of the heart and ideas of the mind might be appealing and sound good, but their consequences could be disastrous. The Bible helps societies avoid these mistakes and enables human flourishing. We should live accordingly.
